Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
