I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
