so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
