I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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