so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm bleeding and have questions
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
