Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
