you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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