Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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