party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
