Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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