some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
