Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize