Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
