I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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