my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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