I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
