dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think a kid would responsible me up
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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