Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize