I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
