she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
