when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
