all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
