i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
