Having a random hookup so left but love u
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
