When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
