would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
