It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
