my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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