I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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