god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize