I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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