Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
