i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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