I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
