Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
