i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
