At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
