Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
