I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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