i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...