Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird