1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!