i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
