1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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