Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
