My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
