I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
