I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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