Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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