she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Bring me that man meat
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
