using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
