Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
