dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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