1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
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noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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