I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
