wrigley field is MILF paradise
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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