I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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