then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
