Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
