My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
