as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
