Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
