the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
