Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
