I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
