I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
