have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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